EXECUTIVE BRANCH NOT...

June 24, 2007

"EXECUTIVE BRANCH NOT PART OF THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH," DECLARES PRESIDENT

By steve young

in·ten·tion: A course of action that one intends to follow, no matter what one actually says.

"We don't dispute that the ISOO (Information Security Oversight Office) has a different opinion. But let's be very clear: This executive order was issued by the president, and he knows what his intentions were. He is in compliance with his executive order."
White House Spokesman Tony Fratto

Location: The White House Pressroom

Tony Snow: Good morning. I see we have an overflow crowd today. We
intended to build a bigger press room with more chairs, so will those in
the back please sit in those seats. First of all, the President would
like to send out early birthday wishes to Professor Irwin Corey who will
be 94 next week. Helen...

Helen Thomas: Vice President Cheney is refusing to allow an inspection of
his office by the National Archives' Information Security Oversight
Office. Isn't that a clear contempt of President Bush's own executive
order?

Snow: Oh, I'm sorry, Helen. I intended to call on David.

David Gregory: Helen's question.

Snow: (Sigh) If you actually read the order, the President clearly
intended it to only apply to those he intended it to apply to and not
have it apply to those who he did not intend it to apply to. All of
that, quite intentional.

Gregory: But I did read it and it doesn't exclude the Executive Branch.
Isn't the Executive Branch part of the government?

Snow: Now you're just speaking gibberish. But let's say, for argument's
sake, this (gestures finger quotes) "Executive Branch," as you call it,
is part of the (gestures finger quotes) "government." If that
hypothetical were applied, then sure, the order would apply to the
Executive Branch, but not necessarily to those in the Executive Branch.

Gregory: But when the president says "government," and doesn't exclude
anyone in that government, he'd have to mean all of government, wouldn't
he?

Snow: You're not saying you can read minds, are you David? Because the
only one who can read the President's mind is the President. And he does
so every day after finishing his morning bike ride.

Gregory: But in the President's order, it distinctly mentions any number
of times, that the President and the Vice President fall under this
order.

Snow: He also said we would find WMD in Iraq. Just because we didn't
doesn't mean he didn't intend to find them there. And if that didn't
raise any red flags I don't see why this should be any different. Look.
When the founding father drew up the two branches of government...

Gregory: Three.

Snow: Alright, I'll play your little game. Three. But they didn't intend
to have three. Originally there were only two. The Legislative, which was
intended to approve of every idea the country's king offered - much like
in President Bush's first six years.

Gregory: We don't have a king.

Snow: Sure, David. Sure. The second branch of government was the
Judicial, which was to be used whenever President Bush, or any leader,
for that matter, was not actually elected. But, as nature intended, the
two branches became very fond of each other and with one thing leading to
another, soon an adorable bundle of joy, the Executive Branch, was
delivered to the country. So you see, it's not what the founding fathers
intended, but it happened anyway.

Gregory: But now you're just saying the opposite. That there is an
Executive Branch.

Snow: Yes and no. But in actuality, no. The President doesn't argue that
there is great disagreement in the country as to whether there is or is
not, an Executive Branch, but there is no question that if there is an
Executive Branch, it is or is not a necessarily part of the Executive
Branch, that may or may not exist.

Ann Compton: The order says that "Our democratic principles require that
the American people be informed of the activities of their government."
Doesn't the President intend to adhere to his own stated democratic
principles?

Snow: His democratic principles, yes. But I'm sure you'll all agree that
everyone has their own concept of "democratic principles." That's why we
call this a democracy.

Compton. Technically, it's a republic.

Snow: Not during a time of war. Richard....

Richard Wolfe: Rahm Emanual is threatening to pull the Vice President's
funding if he doesn't comply with ISOO's request.

Snow: You know, it's a lot like when we said that Saddam threw the UN
inspectors out of Iraq, when it was actually us who told them to leave.
Is there any question that Saddam intended to throw them out sooner or
later? The President just didn't want to wait and see Saddam's intentions
end up being a mushroom cloud. If Representative Emanual intends to
undermine the troops and place this country in the middle of a nuclear
war, well, perhaps he should just say that.

Wolfe: That has nothing to do with what Emanual said.

Snow: Exactly. Terry...

Terry Moran: Henry Waxman says that what the President and Vice President are doing is unconstitutional.

Snow: Guys, how many times do you intend to take out the trash but
something comes up and you don't? I'm sure Congressman Waxman has
forgotten more than once. You're not going to create a constitutional
crisis over garbage, are you? Jeez, guys. It's not like the President
were making a signing statement. Look, it's very similar to when a young
man tells his girlfriend's father that his "intentions are honorable."
Just because he says it doesn't mean that's what he intends. If you're
going to hold the President libel for what he says, you better be ready
to throw millions of young men in jail just because they want to have a
little fun. Think of the President's executive order as just his way of
having a little fun with your daughter. And if you can't trust the
President with your daughter, who can you trust?

The President hopes that you're all clear on what is just a simple
misunderstanding...of yours. At least that's his intention. Okay. I see
lots of hands and I intend to call on everyone of you this morning.

See you tomorrow.

Award-winning TV writer, Steve Young, is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Sucessful" (www.greatfailure.com>)

Authors Website: www.greatfailure.com

Authors Bio: A talk show host, author, columnist,award-winning television writer and filmmaker, his inspiring book, "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press) has been published internationally and has become required reading in the Wharton School of Business Masters Program. His "All The News That's Fit To Spoof " column appears every Sunday on the L.A. Daily News Oped Page. Steve has appeared all over national TV and radio with his unique brand of satirical punditry and social observations appearing in national periodicals from the Los Angeles Times and The New York Times, to his own weekly Internet column "The Lords Of Loud," at AlbionMonitor.net and The Huffington Post.

Source: http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_steve_yo_070624__22executive_branch_no.htm