Last Updated: 6:10 AM, July 15, 2010
Posted: 1:55 AM, July 15, 2010
Andrea Peyser
Shh! Hollywood is having a teaching moment -- this time in the bedroom, where, if you're straight, chances are you've been doing it wrong.
In the first frames of the new flick "The Kids Are All Right," two boys snort coke. Next, a dad tackles his teenage son so ferociously, the child can't breathe.
That boy soon tries to relieve himself on a dog. Gross. And a man with exceptional appetites proves that Cialis, not to mention heterosexual relations, is for losers.
That is how the most self-righteously moralistic movie to hit the big screen since "Forrest Gump" preaches an undeniable Hollywood truth: Men, and boys who will be men, are not just bad. They're corrupt, amoral horndogs.
These are the life choices presented in Lisa Cholodenko's "The Kids," sort of a cross between "Leave it to Beaver" and "Kittens With Whips." Choose your lifestyle wisely, moviegoers. For this film is set to go down in history as the first major motion picture to make a family led by gay women -- A-lister Annette Bening, as the control-freak doctor Nic, "wed" to A-lister Julianne Moore, as the weepy, infantilized Jules -- seem not just normal, but close to godly.
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